Goals, Commitment and Expectations: If you are seeking an Internet Romance, or plan to subscribe to an on-line personal service, you need to ask yourself "what do I want to accomplish?" If you are just out to have fun and meet new people, maybe you do not need to ask yourself these questions? But it would probably be helpful if you did to help you manage your expectations. On the other hand, if you seek a serious committed relationship, just like any project to be in a relationship, you need to spend some time examining your commitment and expectations. The process of actually committing money to seek a relationship, believe it or not, does make a difference. In many ways, you are saying to yourself, "I am serious about finding a partner." If you do go this route, we suggest you ask yourself the following questions:

• How determined am I to be in a committed relationship?
• What do I want out of a committed relationship?
• Why am I pursuing an on-line relationship instead of more conventional routes?
• What type of person am I looking for?
• What type of person am I?
• What if I meet someone who lives far away?

This is also a good time to examine your own personal goals and aspirations.

Many people wonder, "Is it safe to meet someone online and start dating them?" The answer is that one should use the same good common sense and judgment when you meet someone online as you would if you met them anywhere else… and probably a little bit more.

The Opportunity for Bigger Risks

The nature of the Internet makes meeting people on-line riskier than meeting them in more conventional ways. Having said this, "relationship experts" on a regular basis write that on-line relationships are able to establish a stronger relationship base than more conventional relationships. We’ll take a moment to discuss both these issues below.

First, the risks. What are the risks involved with an on-line relationship:

Hidden identity: What if you meet someone who hides his or her real identity from you? For example, we received e-mail from an individual in Australia who had a six-month on-line relationship with a lady in Tasmania. The relationship became quite intense, until the two finally decided to meet. The woman, who had portrayed herself the same age as the man (mid 20s) reasonably attractive and a single non-smoker, flew to Australia to meet her on-line beau. Several hours before the two were to meet in Melbourne, (they had never spoken on the phone nor exchanged pictures) she called him. Guilt drove her to phone and forewarn him that… in reality she was in her early forty’s, divorced, a heavy smoker with one child. Needless to say the man who e-mailed us was distraught. In addition to tremendous disappointment, there was an extraordinary betrayal of trust. The two never met, nor had any further communication.

Fantasy: One of the things that can make the aforementioned example so damaging is the element of fantasy. If you have never met someone in person, but start a cyber relationship with him or her, your own imagination, background and interpretation contributes to what you do learn about them. Very quickly your imagination will give your cyber-friend a certain look, smell, and especially voice. As you read their e-mails you will hear a voice inside your head that your imagination says is your cyber friend’s voice. This can be very deceiving. You may find yourself saying to yourself, "What if this is the one?" just as you would any relationship. You might even convince yourself that it is the one before you even meet the person! Then, once you meet the person, you find that what your imagination contributed to their identity is completely wrong. Uh oh. This does not necessarily mean the end of the road for the relationship – but it can certainly make for some difficult adjustments.

Distance: How about the case of the perfect world – what if you meet someone from halfway around the world and you both honestly and innocently fall in love with each other… which is validated when you first meet? Sounds a little bit like Tess and I. But then you have to deal with the fact the two of you are separated by thousands of miles. Who makes the sacrifice? Not such a perfect world after all! The case of Tess & I is unusual in that Tess knew she would move to Asia for career reasons when we first met. I then had to convince her to come to Hong Kong. I have heard of many cases where people have moved manageable distances to be with their cyber-love. One needs to keep in kind, however, that the geographically boundless spread of the Internet allows you to spread your wings. You might end up quite attached to someone thousands of miles away until eventually you need to come back to earth.

Meeting people online has become common in our new digital age. Especially of late with people finding the Internet and technology wave very sexy and attractive. Recent dramatic increases in Internet Company stock prices add to this sex appeal. In many cases, people are willing to divulge a lot of information on-line. For example, have a look at some of the profiles people make for themselves which are made available to others on-line. A quality profile is great because one can quickly learn a lot about another person's interests, preferences, etc. However, don't assume that everyone is completely honest when they create a profile or write an email to you. In addition, it is no secret that e-mail removes the inhibitions of face-to-face communication. Often people are much more forthcoming with personal details about themselves when conversing on the Internet.

Meeting people online has one major advantage/disadvantage, and that is the ability to 'hide your identity'. This is great in the sense that you don't have to give someone else your true identity until you want to. But the other side of the coin is that other people can also hide their true identity from you. Again, use good common sense and judgment when communicating. Here are some more good rules to follow:

• Don't give out your personal phone number, address or email address. If you use 'singles websites', it is wise to use those that have anonymous email systems.
• Don't respond to anyone who is lewd or crude or in any way or makes you feel uncomfortable. On many singles sites you can 'block' emails.
• If you decide to start communicating by telephone with someone you met online, you should call them (instead of giving out your number) and make sure you know how to block your phone number from being recognized by a 'Caller ID' device. (many people have Caller ID). Or, use another phone number such as a quiet public pay phone until you are comfortable with the person you are conversing with.
• If you decide you want to meet someone in person, meet in a public place and if possible with a group of your friends. Alternatively, you can meet in a place where a friend could watch you, or even at a favorite restaurant where the proprietors know you.
• If you meet in person, don't give out a lot of personal information about yourself until you feel comfortable and know that other person.
• If you don't want to be seen on the Internet by anyone except those that you decide to write to first, you can hide your profile on some websites.
• Finally, it is very inexpensive for you to purchase a 'background check' on anyone if you have any concerns. There are several companies on the Internet that offer such services. If the other person won't give you a real name and date of birth, it may be a red flag that they have something to hide. Here are some examples of sites that will conduct background checks for you.

Once you meet:

The next hidden identity – finding out who the person really is. Inevitably there will be surprises, but some of them may be quite pleasant!